PARENT STORIES
I come
from a large family and we have instituted a
"hand-off" process with Luke - when we are at family
gatherings, you look the person in the eye, ask them
if they have Luke and they confirm. At that point,
that person knows their primary responsibility is
Luke, not side conversations etc. We put this in
place after Luke managed to find his way out of a
house filled with 32 people. It was winter and the
neighbors spotted him running thru the woods - no
shoes, no jacket, and they grabbed him. I have also
put hook locks on all of the doors which at the
moment he can't reach.
Get
double key sided dead bolts for every out going door
in your house or apt. Never let your child see where
the keys are kept. My son has attempted to get out
that way. He knew exactly what key to use. Never
underestimate your child with autism.
I
spoke to all the county firemen and EMT on search
and rescue of an Autistic child. I quickly covered
tons of material and I also stressed that from
everything I have gathered, drowning seems to be the
number one cause of accidental death in Autistic
children. I stressed to them time and time again,
that each and every near water source should be
checked as a first priority. I went into full detail
about all the other places they could hide…If
injured how they more than likely could not respond
to EMT questions etc. etc. It was only 2 months
later did they get to test their new found
knowledge. A 4 year old ASD child wondered off from
his house, his parents called 911 after about a 20
minute search. The Fire Dept followed my advice and
found him in less than 10 minutes standing on the
edge of the River Bank. He was safe and not to happy
about leaving the waters edge. The towns Fire Chief
called me after the fact and gave me the news. He
said that without learning these things, he would
have instructed all his men to search the parks and
ball diamond first, in the opposite direction of the
river!, instead he sent a few to the park and the
others to the swimming pool, river and sewer
treatment facility. My point is, just one hour with
a group of firemen probably saved the life of a
child. I volunteered my time, no experts where hired
and not a dime was spent. If we can get others to do
the same, what a huge difference it could make for
the ASD community.
I
recently came up with an idea of making magnets with
my daughters picture and my husbands and my cell
phone on it. I plan on making cookies and going door
to door in my neighborhood with both of these. I
plan on talking to my neighbors personally, and just
saying "hi" and letting them know my daughter has
autism and where we live. I plan on leaving them
with cookies in the hopes that if they see chrissy,
they will offer her a cookie and take her into their
car, home and call me. I have had issues with flight
risk behavior and my neighbors have had chrissy walk
into their home and start eating ice cream out of
their freezer and they didn't know what to do. The
next time she tried to do this, they actually would
not let her in the house and this was very
dangerous!! I have felt weird about talking to my
neighbors so I came up with this idea. I hope this
idea makes in into your kit, our behavioral
supervisor thought it was a great idea and after the
news on Benjy, I am going to stop stalling and do it
asap.
My
daughter wandered when she was almost 3. We were
both in the kitchen, I turned my back on her for 30
seconds, to check on the stove and she figured out
the dead bolt. The way the kitchen was set up, when
I turned and she wasn't right where she had been, I
thought she went into the living room. My husband
came into the kitchen seconds later and asked where
she was -- we noticed the door was opened a crack
and we both FLEW outside and went in each direction.
She was about 4 houses down, headed for the river. A
neighbor yelled, "She's right there, was just
waiting for you to come out." She was out of the
house for all of 2 minutes, including the time it
took it retrieve her, but that was the WORST 2
minutes of my LIFE. That night we installed latch
locks at the TOP of the door and an alarm. It’s on
the door of our new place now too. NEVER
UNDERESTIMATE OUR KIDS ABILITY TO GET OUT. 30
SECONDS I had my back turned.
My son
is very quick and has little sense of danger. He is
7, I have to watch him all the time, he also just
runs away from me in the direction of roads…he
completely shuts his ears to warnings. I have had
lots of criticism for not letting him have more
freedom, but he he is drawn to danger. I turned my
back in the playground once and couldn’t find him.
It’s all very frightening!
I have
had a few incidents with my son heading towards busy
streets and still do to this day, he is 10 now. When
he was 4 he darted out into the street in front of a
garbage truck. We now have to have two people home
all the time, so there is someone always home to
watch him (he's homeschooled) and when we go out we
put him on a tot along tether for safety (there is a
loop at 1 end for an adult wrist and one at the
other end for a child's wrist) this is what we use:
http://www.babyant.com/bv022149.html.
Between the ages of 3-12, the instances of wandering
were constant and unpredictable. Once, he climbed
into the front seat and jumped out of the car window
at a gas station in the middle of a big city while I
was pumping gas. He was lightening fast. He would
jump into other people's cars, lie in the middle of
the street, run out the door when a visitor lingered
there for too long...any opportunity to run, he'd
find it and take it. Once, he escaped from his
classroom by going out the window and they caught
him in a busy intersection. One day, his grandmother
and aunt were watching him (to give us respite) and
he disappeared because they just didn't get it when
I told them that they had to watch him every second
- the whole police force was looking for him. One of
the worst days of my life. Getting a call from the
police that your child is missing is horrifying. He
was found several blocks away hiding under a sliding
board. Thank God. Over the years, we've done
literally everything to keep him safe. We took out a
loan to put up a 6' fence around the entire yard,
had a security system put on every door and window
in our house...it is hard. Sometimes you even find
yourself doing things that you really shouldn't -
like nailing windows shut or putting key locks on
exit doors. You have to weigh the horrible thought
of things like "what happens if our house catches on
fire - we're locked in here." Try to avoid doing
things like that. You learn to do whatever it takes.
I used to sleep in front of his bedroom door so I'd
know if he came out. Some parents even have to take
their kids into the bathroom with them because the
kid will run off during that short time period. When
your kid is a constant runner, you can't even take a
shower until someone else is there to watch them.
It's just a reality that we have to learn to live
with. I consider myself to be a seasoned parent and
very fortunate that I am still married. Many
marriages end due to the additional stress. My son
is almost 16. But still, I can't turn my back for a
second without fearing that he'll run off. I am
always on the lookout. Never take for granted that
others are going to be as vigilant as you are.
Believe me, parents in this situation become
hyper-vigilant. We hear everything. We never fall
into a deep sleep. We are under constant stress and
often the rest of our family suffers for it. We
become so focused on the safety of the child with
autism that we lose sight of everything else. It is
draining. That's why it's important to find reliable
respite so that you can get some rest once in a
while. Parents must find a hobby or some kind of
non-autism related activity to do regularly. You
cannot live autism 24/7. If you do, you'll
eventually crack and then you're not going to be
able to help anyone.
I find
myself so attuned to EVERY sound in this house. My
son is 4 and has no fear...we would take a walk to
the pool down the street from our place and he would
be in the wagon, with a wrist tether (walmart 6$)
and his life jacket already on him. My mom thought I
was being overprotective, until one day when we went
to the pool and I had to take the wrist tether off
to get a younger one out of a stroller (I have 4
kids, he is my 2nd and the only one with autism) and
he was gone in the 30 seconds it took me to unbelt
my daughter…that was with me and my mother
there...he was already was deep in the pool...thank
goodness he was wearing his life jacket...who's
paranoid now? Sometimes you have to hope for the
best, but over plan for the EXTREME worse case
scenarios.
Window
alarms on the doors work, very inexpensive. You can
put them on any door or window. They are at the
dollar store or Walmart. They are very loud and make
a shrilling noise. No way you will not know they
have gone out! Worked for me!
I have
two very young wanderers....I have key locked all
the doors from the inside out. It's a fire hazard
BUT much more likely to have one or both of them
leave than a fire happening. Window alarms help, and
they also have the Guardian Angel window bars. They
are a little pricey but I hear work well. AND I
STRONGLY ENCOURAGE YOU TO COMPELL YOUR LOCAL SHERIFF
DEPT TO ACQUIRE PROJECT LIFESAVER...both my children
wear the GPS bracelets and I just feel safer. Also
ID bracelets and introduce them to all your
neighbors explaining that he/she has autism, etc.
We
used security cameras that were connected to our TV
for a while. Both ideas came from "Extreme Makeover
- Home Edition". Neither were too expensive.
We are
still trying to figure out how our son at two years
old managed to get himself out of the house and into
the back yard or (worse!) down the street with all
the doors locked and both parents inside. He
eventually stopped wandering off but now that he's
17 he's starting to show a bit more independence
than we'd like. He goes out the door sometimes by
himself. He's nonverbal and we live in an unfamiliar
town.
